I feel sad for them when they are sad and upset. I ache for them when they fail. I try so hard to give them everything that they need. I get angry for them when they are mistreated and I hurt so badly for them when they choose the wrong path. I pray for them, cry for them, and would do just about anything for them.
I pour so much of myself into my job that it tends to be less of a job, and more like the beat of my heart. I try to say "it's just a job," but really, it's not. I can't not care. I can't just let it go. I am daily in prayer for wisdom to respond well, teach well, and provide the best learning environment that I can.
Sometimes I fail. I hate failing. I hate screwing up. I don't always say the right thing. I don't always do the right thing. I know, I know, who does, right?! Yeah, well you're obviously not as TYPE A as I am. Failure doesn't sit well with me. Feeling like I've let the little people in my life down (or anybody, for that matter) is just not something that helps me sleep soundly at night.
The only thing that does help me sleep well at night is the knowledge that Jesus works in spite of me. He works for me. He works around me and before me. I'm learning to let go and let Him work, but for this TYPE A, it's a daily lesson.
Even though I can make a mess of things on my own, I know that God can bring beauty from my mess and exchange my "spirit of heaviness" for a "garment of praise." He is gracious and good; and while I must have a standard to hold myself to, He doesn't expect me to be perfect, He wants me to live in the freedom that only HE can give. (Galatians 5:13-15) And that freedom doesn't mean torturing myself with my imperfections.
I pinned a quote on my pinterest board:
Ok, I'm learning. Here's another one I pinned:
Yeah, this one too. So I guess what I'm getting at is that, the persistent pursuit of perfection is pointless. (Say that 5 times fast...I dare ya!) And really, when I'm trying to be perfect, it's a result of a fear of failure. Jesus says to live in FREEDOM, and He means freedom from every stronghold. For me, failure is a huge issue, one that God is working on in my heart.
What's He doing in yours?
She did what she could. That keeps running through my head and my heart. She did what she could. An act of insignificance to some. A waste to others. Excellence to the One who matters. She did what she could...
ReplyDeleteOf course, for the lovely Type A peeps that you and I understand so well, we don't want to do what we CAN. We want to do what no one else has... What we THINK we should be capable of achieving... What we EXPECT ourselves to have mastered.
But what I try to remind myself is that I am NOT the Master. I am the disciple. I am the learner. I am human. I need to live, love, learn, and let go. Easier said than done!
So, from one teacher whose heart beats for her "kids" (both in the class and out)to another...remember these examples:
Peter denied Christ 3x...after he was WARNED he'd do it...he is still the greatest apostle!
David seduced a married woman and then had her husband killed...he was still called a man after God's own heart and a friend of God.
Adam walked with God and still managed to usher sin into the world...he had the very Breath of God on him!
Solomon was super wise and super stupid. He was blessed with immense wisdom and yet he still managed to screw it all up.
Thomas doubted. After everything, he still doubted. And yet Jesus came to him to prove His truth. Jesus came to him in the midst of doubt!
God's strength is made perfect in my weakness.
She did what she could. Is it enough? If it is all I have to give then, yes, it is enough. Is it perfect? rarely.
Do what you can and then...release.
I love it. Thanks, Natalie! :)
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