Questions...

If you haven't noticed, I'm motivated by music. More specifically by lyrics. Words are my language. When a song touches my heart, it's because the words have spoken to my soul. Often songs motivate my thought process and what I write about. Certain songs evoke memories of high school, or my wedding. Then there are others that bring me to a new level of worship of my Lord. Still more that make me smile, laugh, or tear up.

Today I heard this song on country radio called "Beer With Jesus." Okay, it sounds sacrilegious, I know, but hear me out. I have no problem with having a drink. (Getting drunk, however, that's another topic.) Here's the lyrics and you can decide for yourself:

If I could have a beer with Jesus
Heaven knows I’d sip it nice and slow
I’d try to pick a place that ain’t too crowded
Or gladly go wherever he wants to go

You can bet I’d order up a couple tall ones
Tell the waitress put ‘em on my tab
I’d be sure to let him do the talkin’
Careful when I got the chance to ask

How’d you turn the other cheek
To save a sorry soul like me
Do you hear the prayers I send
What happens when life ends
And when you think you’re comin’ back again

I’d tell everyone, but no one would believe it
If I could have a beer with Jesus

If I could have a beer with Jesus
I’d put my whole paycheck in that jukebox
Fill it up with nothing but the good stuff
Sit somewhere we couldn’t see a clock

Ask him how’d you turn the other cheek
To save a sorry soul like me
Have you been there from the start
How’d you change a sinner’s heart
And is heaven really just beyond the stars

I’d tell everyone, but no one would believe it
If I could have a beer with Jesus

He can probably only stay, for just a couple rounds
But I hope and pray he’s stayin’ till we shut the whole place down

Ask him how’d you turn the other cheek
To save a sorry soul like me
What’s on the other side?Is mom and daddy alright?
And if it ain’t no trouble tell them I said hi

I’d tell everyone but no one would believe it
If I could have a beer with Jesus

 Maybe you have to be a cowboy/country-type to understand that the point behind this song isn't about the title, or the fact that it talks about alcohol. See, I think the point of this song is the fact that the writer wants to spend some time baring his heart with Jesus. To ask questions, pointed questions...which brings me to the point of this post.

Questions.

We all have questions, you might say. Well, yes, we do. But sometimes I have questions that only my Jesus can answer. And though I don't want to sit down and "have a beer with Jesus," I sometimes long to speak with Him face to face. To tangibly have Him speak to me and converse with me. I think that's why this particular song touched me today.

You see, this week has been an emotional one. This week a dear friend and her husband were shocked by the tragic death of their perfect, unborn son, only 2 weeks from his due date. I've been reminded over and over again this week that God's ways aren't my ways, and His thoughts aren't my thoughts. I know that. But that doesn't stop me from asking why this horrible thing happened to some of the most Godly and wonderful people I know. I know God has a plan, but I can't help but wonder how we will see good in this awful circumstance.

I believe that God knows what He's doing. I trust and hold onto the fact that my Jesus loves me and loves my friends more than I can ever imagine; and sometimes He asks us to walk down rough roads, if only for His name to be uplifted and glorified. My Jesus is perfect, and so is His will. That doesn't always make death any easier, or pain less sharp. What it does mean is that even when the pain is overwhelming and the torrents of grief are swirling around us, our soul is anchored, tethered, to our Father in Heaven and we have a peace that passes earthly comprehension.

See, if I could sit down and talk to Jesus face to face, I might ask why sweet Ezra was taken from his loving parents. I might ask, like the author of the song, "how did you turn the other cheek" when you were unjustly tried and crucified. I might ask him to hug my Grandpa for me. I really don't know what I would ask Him if I truly saw Him face to face. But someday I will see my Jesus, and, chances are, I will fall at His feet in a puddle of awe and amazement at His holiness and won't be able to ask Him anything.

But somehow I think He wouldn't be angry with my questions or honesty. I don't think I would see judgement and condemnation in His eyes. I think I would see tears. I think that He would cry with me and hold my hand and just be. And when I was ready, I think He would gently tip my chin to look into my eyes and say to me, Daughter, I love you. Do you believe that I love you? Do you remember what I sacrificed for you?  Do you understand that nothing happens without my permission and that this earthly pain is temporary? Pain was meant to draw you to Me. Trust me Daughter, trust me. Never once have I let you down. 

Sometimes I feel angry that my sweet friend has to postpone her dream of motherhood and bury her firstborn son, and that her husband doesn't get to teach his boy how to shoot a basketball. It doesn't mean that I stop believing in a faithful God, or in His goodness. You see, I watched my dear friends last night. I watched him hold her close. I saw the sadness and pain written in their expressions.  But friends, I also saw peace. A peace that I can't describe. I wanted to scream that it wasn't fair or right. This pain, this overwhelming sadness isn't fair for these precious people to endure. All I could think was "Dear Jesus, wrap your arms around them and hold them close." 

Then I heard a voice in my soul. Daughter, for MY GLORY.

And then I realized. That was it. That was the point. That's the point in life, that's the point in death. It's not about how long we live our lives. It's not about how much money we make or how many charities we support. It's not about how many times we go to church in a week, or how noble our work is.

The point is that in life and in death, Christ is magnified.

And He is. We may never know on this earth why Ezra didn't get to live his life and bring joy to his family. But we do know that regardless of whether the reason is made clear or not, our Jesus is holding Ezra and our Jesus has a plan, a sovereign plan that exists to bring glory to His name.

So my prayer is this:
Jesus, hold them close. Comfort and keep them. Surround them with Your love. Nothing will ever take the place of precious Ezra, but keep them close You. Continue to bring Your peace. Continue to make Your name known. Show them in the most tangible ways that You are with them and that though Ezra's life was short, it was not in vain. Jesus be glorified.